There is no title - this post is about drunk driving...

So look – we all agree drinking and driving is a bad idea, right?  I mean at this point, with our current level of media saturation it shouldn’t be news to anyone reading this that drunk driving, or riding with a drunk driver, is a bad idea with potentially tragic outcomes.  Yet these stories persist – transecting all age, race, and income demographics – it is an all too common experience that we hear of people drinking and driving and then end up reading about the tragic aftermath.

This past weekend in a small town near my home, 5 kids were out way late on a Saturday night/Sunday morning.  There were kids, 5 of them, all jammed into a car on a weekend night - no different than my own experiences jammed with all my regular crew into a buddy's car 30 years ago. 

In this case, there was a car accident.  Slippery roads, late at night, perhaps alcohol involved.  The situation this moment is that two of those five young people, children really, died Sunday morning and a third died at the the hospital today.  While no one has been convicted or even tried, police nonetheless suspect that alcohol was involved and the teenage driver is in custody.  Word is there was a party – for some affected it was perhaps their first taste of alcohol and autonomy – who knows?  In the rush to prove who was right and wrong; who was liable and who was innocent – all reality will be lost to the legal concepts of mitigation, proof beyond a reasonable doubt, rules of evidence, etc. 

What is known is that these were all young kids – to their community they were treasure.

What is also known is that three of them are now dead and one of those in the car is now in a situation where his fate lies with scary grown-up institutions and professionals.  Lawyers, insurance adjusters, policemen, media, jail, prison, bail bondsmen.  Gone forever are the catcher’s mitt, basketball, iPod, and fragile innocence.  What is known is that the driver of the car also took the moms and dads and brothers, sisters, friends, teachers, neighbors and many others into this accident with him.  

What is known is that for some gone are all the dreams of college, marriage, adventures both great and small. What's left is residue; the inevitable packing up, and the constant hurt and anger that roils and subsides like the pain of a dying tooth. 

Present forever will be the “what-ifs” that are irreconcilable; the “how-comes” that strain against the Earth’s rotation only to give way to inevitable and heartless realities.  Try as you might to unwish it; to change it, you can’t undo the horrible reality that three kids are dead, one is hospitalized, and one may be headed to jail for a very long time.

As parents we look on and hope and pray that these matters do not affect us; that they leave unharmed those we love and those for whom we are sworn to protect.  But here’s the thing – in my life which is decidedly uncosmopolitan – I have seen this phenomena come and go way too often. My small town life has seen it many times.  If in my boring Grover’s Corners’ existence this tragedy creeps, then how can anyone really be safe from it?

In college there was the couple killed returning from a New Year’s eve party. They left behind small children and a broken family.  After college there was a relative, injured by a drunk driver headed the wrong way down a one way street.  Not three years removed from that, there was a good friend, one of the most decent people I have ever met, killed at 22 by a drunk driver out having a good time.

There are no words that make sense out of what follows this tragedy.  There can be no commitment to ending drunk driving any greater than what we have already made.  MADD, SADD, colleges, universities, high schools – they are all in on the education side.  Insurance companies, law enforcement, the government – virtually every entity save for perhaps the food and spirits lobby is a trustee of the message “don’t drink and drive.”

Yet here we are – tonight in a small town in the middle of Michigan, like many small towns all over America on a weekly basis, families grieve the dead with broken hearts.  I have been there first hand – was present when the mother of a son killed by a drunk driver arrived at college to collect his belongings.

I will never forget the sound of that one sob as long as I live.  Traveling from out of state, she and her husband arrived a day or two after the tragedy to make arrangements for Mike and to pick up his things.  As the residence hall director I escorted them to his room and a number of us waited there, respectfully outside – to attend their needs, ensure their privacy, provide some sense of community to them in a place where they knew no one but a place where their son had made many many friends.

The sound of that one sob, the sob his mom made when she snatched up his pillow and could still smell him on it, is something that is with me to this day.  They, Mike’s mom and dad, sat in the stillness of that quiet dorm room crying for a long time. My staff and I and others waited outside – guaranteeing their privacy and committed to helping them any way we could.

After a while Mike's dad came out and, through eyes stung with tears, we each met his gaze.  He approached the oldest among us, a college administrator who was himself a father and a fine man, and asked quietly "Do you have any kids?"

“Yes” came the answer, “three of them – all girls.”

Through cracking voice my friend’s dad said “well go home then. We’re all done here.  Go home and hug those kids, ‘cause you just never know…just hug them”

So while it is a certainty that nothing will tomorrow make the world a softer, gentler place for the community of friends and family mourning this latest drunk driving accident – what is certain is that we can be reminded to go home and hug our kids.  Just hug ‘em, hold them, and try to teach them about the way lives can change in an instant.  Try and teach them that some mistakes you can't ever take back; and some decisions will stay with you, and others, the rest of your life. Because you just never know.

Thanks for stopping by my blog today.  I wish it was a happier topic; wish it was written under different circumstances.  Wherever you are tonight, I hope you are holding tightly to those you love and those who love you.  It is, at the end of the day, the only thing that matters.

Dennis

smalltowndad@hotmail.com

UPDATE from the Lansing State Journal, April 27, 2011:

LANSING – A 17-year-old Holt High School senior pleaded guilty today to being drunk earlier this year when he crashed into a tree, killing three passengers.

At a hearing today in Ingham County Circuit Court, Brett Johnson pleaded guilty to one count of operating while intoxicated causing death, officials said.

Johnson faces up to 15 years in prison. He will be sentenced on June 8.

The crash happened Jan. 30 at about 2 a.m., when the 2003 Pontiac Bonneville Johnson was driving went off Hagadorn Road and struck a tree.

Killed in the crash were Holt High School senior Holly Bossenbery, 17, and Holt High School graduate Taylyr Cochran, 18. Anthony Harris, 17, a Holt senior, died three days later from his injuries.

Johnson is a senior at Holt High School.

UPDATE from the Lansing State Journal, April 28, 2011:

 

MASON — Three college students who hosted a party in January where alcohol was served to the teen responsible for a fatal crash that killed three other teens pleaded guilty today to misdemeanor charges.

The three are: Michael Freund, Jordan Henika and Charles King III. All pleaded guilty to conspiracy to contribute to the delinquency of minors.

Each initially faced five felony charges. Those were dropped as part of a plea agreement.
Freund, Henika and King each now face up to one year in jail and $1,000 in fines. They will be sentenced May 26 in 55th District Court.

Brett Johnson, 17, pleaded guilty Wednesday to drinking at the party at the trio’s Meridian Township apartment and crashing his car into a tree, killing two Holt High School seniors and a Holt High School graduate. Johnson also is a senior at Holt High School. He faces up to 15 years in prison. Killed in the crash were Holt High School senior Holly Bossenbery, 17, and Holt High School graduate Taylyr Cochran, 18. Anthony Harris, 17, a Holt senior, died three days later from his injuries.